My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
