They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
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decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
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You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
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