instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
