You smell like stripper and shame
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I pour the whiskey from now on
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Randomize
