when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
