carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Randomize