Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
