Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
