you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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