remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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