you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I deserve this hangover.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
