I wish I only lived at night.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize