sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
