I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
