Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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