Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
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Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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