I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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