Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
