so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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