Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Randomize
