We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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