dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
