I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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