you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
she looked like the before picture.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
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Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
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He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
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