Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Sorry my hands just texted you
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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