is your mom at the bar?
I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
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