I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
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i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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