don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
