Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
