Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
