It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Another day, another engagement, another cat
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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