Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
