I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
