Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
