I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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