my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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