There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
