The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
