Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
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