yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
