she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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