i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
