Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
