How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
My penis needs a shock collar
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
