His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
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You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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