hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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