Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
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And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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