I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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