Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
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