I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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