have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
