my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
