Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
