I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize