Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
