Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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