i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Randomize
