Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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