Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
