you're like a bully in the Christmas story
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
My dad just said "fuck circus"
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize